24 October 2005

Contraceptive Malfunction?

Holy shit, dude. Just when you think you've heard it all, the Jacksons have another ace up their sleeve. An ace of crazy, that is.

Ignoring that our metaphor doesn't make any sense, the ace this time around is that Janet Jackson may have an 18-year-old daughter whom she's kept hidden from the public for the last, um, 18 years. Young DeBarge, her ex brother-in-law, was on a radio show yesterday and said that Janet's daughter, Renee, was kept under wraps by the Jackson family, and sent to live with the eldest of the Jackson siblings, Rebbie. We're not sure why the Jacksons would've felt the need to hide a child theoretically conceived within wedlock. Perhaps Janet doubted her ability to dominate the milf-lovers (a niche demographic), with the likes of such worthy competitors as Demi Moore.

We would normally dismiss something this outrageous if the article didn't include the crucial piece of information that "Janet Jackson's rep Patti Webster didn't deny the claim yesterday, only saying the singer didn't wish to comment." PR translation: "Aw sheeeit! You know about that? Well, it wasn't even like that, though! What had happened was... Well, actually, can I get back to you in a couple days while we figure out how to spin this?" And, like we said, it is the Jackson family, so with something this crazy, it's even more far-fetched for it not to be true.



Assistant Atlas said...

"An ace of crazy" = classic. By the way, you've been added to my rolodex, little Little to No Appeal. Keep up the good work.

LTNA said...

Yes, thank you. I saw I was added to the rolodex. Baby's all grows up!