iPorn

We'd be surprised if the nerdier pervs out there haven't figured out a way to do this already, but Guba, a subscription search engine, is working on converting porn into the format used on the new video iPods. Guba indexes 300,000 files a day, formatting them as streaming video or for download.

"'Guba.com has built a strong and profitable business over the last seven years by providing our subscribers with the best in rich media search," said Thomas McInerney, the company's chief executive. [...] 'We can kid ourselves, but in the end it's probably porn that people want.'"

At least this guy is keeping it real. Once there's a database of iPod porn available, you can bet the various Metropolitan Transit Authorities will have to consider amending their bus and train rules beyond the minimalist "No eating, No drinking, No spitting." Here are a few suggested additions, on the house:

-Do not teabag the bus operator, unless absolutely necessary

-No recreations of German shizer movie scenes, under penalty of $250 fine

-You must give up these seats if a wheelchair passenger needs to "stretch out"

-No splooge on the upholstery, under penalty of $200 fine

If you've never taken public transportation, you may be wondering why the fine for blasting baby batter all over the bus or train is less than the one for shitting on the floor (or on Crackhead Rhonda, as the case may be). The answer is, simply, that on any given day, even without the aid of iPorn, most seats on the bus or train have already had a good coat or two of a giz/peepee shellac, so it's well within the scope of what the MTA will let slide. On the other hand, taking a shit on the F train is significantly less common-- once or twice a month, tops, and deserves a more severe punishment.