Iowa Caucus an Easy Way to Make a Grown Man Cry

"Pundits" (I loathe this word) are still chattering about Hillary Clinton's surprise reach-around win in New Hampshire after Barack Obama proved Iowa has jungle fever.

Truthfully, I don't really have much to add to the fray, if anything. I will say that I consider myself an Obama girl, since I figure my black card trumps my chick card. I will also say that Hillary, though, was much more endeared to me when she put her proverbial dick on the table and nearly wept after losing in Iowa.

Of course, the speculation is that NH agreed, and 62% of those polled said her "less cunty" side seemed to give her the edge she needed to win there.* Evidently, all everyone has been thirsty for this entire time is to see this bitch cry. Apparently, when your husband gets a blowjob from a White House intern inciting national attention and his impeachment, that's just an "oh, brother!" moment. You're full of surprises, Hilz.

*Source: My ass.

Gasp! "America's Mayor" May Have Been Shady During Extramarital Affair

Oh, the possible scandal! It looks like there was some questionable accounting done during a period between 1999 and 2000, when the erstwhile mayor of New York, Rudy Giuliani, is known to have been getting some covert stank on his hang-low from Judith Nathan. Nathan, of course, became his third and current wife eventually, but this is back in the day when Giuliani was, you know, cheating on his second wife "doing lotsa important mayor shit, damn bitch, you nosey, mind yo business" out on Long Island, where Nathan just happened to have a condo on the beach. This news comes just in time for the Iowa caucuses in January, so Giuliani must be thrilled.

There was "unusual" billing of eleven of the Mayor's trips to Southampton, wherein various travel costs were allocated to obscure offices and departments, including a so-called "Blumpkin Bureau," the "Getting the Mayoral Dick Wet Commission" and something called the "I'm Having an Extramarital Affair and Using the City Budget to Fund It Office."

Naturally, when LTNA called to ask about this, Giuliani's aides' only comment on the matter was "Haaa? 9/11! [*click*] [*dial tone*]." The current mayor, Michael Bloomberg made accusations back in '02 that Giuliani used tactics like this to keep the budget for the mayor's office artificially low. Despite this, Bloomberg's office also refused to offer any explanation to the comptroller's office for the accounting, citing the landmark case of Bros v. Hos.