Jessica Alba is knocked up. The culprit is long time boyfriend Cash Warren, which was a surprise to me, since I heard she'd dumped him a few months ago in a really tasteless way. Beyond the initial surprise that Alba is preggars, let alone by Cash (it takes all of my fortitude to bring myself to type the name "Cash" without punching a baby, every single time), this story loses any semblance of being interesting. It's just really hard to care about anything that happens to these people for more than four seconds, and even then I was phoning it in.On that note, here's a link to a somewhat amusing "Best of" Craig's List post. It's hump day bitches. Time to get fucked.
As indicated above, there ain't shit going on today, so I don't have anything worth talking about. So, you know what that means: Video post!
Herewith, please find the gayest thing since gay sex, posted below for your enjoyment. I hope your Tuesday glitters, girl!
Oh, the possible scandal! It looks like there was some questionable accounting done during a period between 1999 and 2000, when the erstwhile mayor of New York, Rudy Giuliani, is known to have been getting some covert stank on his hang-low from Judith Nathan. Nathan, of course, became his third and current wife eventually, but this is back in the day when Giuliani was, you know, cheating on his second wife "doing lotsa important mayor shit, damn bitch, you nosey, mind yo business" out on Long Island, where Nathan just happened to have a condo on the beach. This news comes just in time for the Iowa caucuses in January, so Giuliani must be thrilled.There was "unusual" billing of eleven of the Mayor's trips to Southampton, wherein various travel costs were allocated to obscure offices and departments, including a so-called "Blumpkin Bureau," the "Getting the Mayoral Dick Wet Commission" and something called the "I'm Having an Extramarital Affair and Using the City Budget to Fund It Office." Naturally, when LTNA called to ask about this, Giuliani's aides' only comment on the matter was "Haaa? 9/11! [*click*] [*dial tone*]." The current mayor, Michael Bloomberg made accusations back in '02 that Giuliani used tactics like this to keep the budget for the mayor's office artificially low. Despite this, Bloomberg's office also refused to offer any explanation to the comptroller's office for the accounting, citing the landmark case of Bros v. Hos.
My ears are still ringing from temporary (I hope) hearing loss, but it was worth it. Last night, I went to Crash Mansion in downtown L.A. for their monthly Soled Out Tuesdays show. It was my first time going, and I had good reason: The headlining DJ of the night was an up-and-comer by the name of ?uestlove. I know, I know. I'm just so "with it" you probably haven't even heard of this young chap yet. Allow me to elucidate.
Obviously, anyone who isn't a complete imbecile realizes The Legendary Roots Crew is perhaps the best live show in hip hop, like, ever. Furthermore, ?uestlove is easily the most recognizable member of the band, aside from MC/frontman Black Thought. ?uestlove is, in many ways, the linchpin driving the nonstop dynamism at Roots shows. When watching him at work, ?uestlove seems to be one with his drum kit, making incredibly precise and masterful love to it riffs with misleading ease. For the record, I can play like that too, you know. I just don't wanna.
Thusly, I had no idea ?uestlove had any DJ-ing abilities. After all, anyone who has seen him drum would likely agree he doesn't really need to pursue any other skills beyond playing the skins. What I'm saying is, ?uestlove is all set in the talent department. And, admittedly, there were a few hiccups here and there during his set. But, it was clear to all in attendance that precision was simply not the point.
?uestlove spun for nearly three hours, which is an indication of the "?uestlove just wants to have fun!" vibe of the night, and also echoes the customary habit of The Roots playing until they are forced off the stage by the venue management. LTNA was lucky enough to be right at the front the whole night, watching ?uestlove spin tracks ranging from Nas to Pink Floyd. Everyone was dry humping and head bopping in bass-driven ecstasy, most of all ?uestlove himself, wearing his trademark pick in his 'fro. Indeed, I was close enough to reach out and fuck his shit up! And, when the occasional mixing snafu did arise, ?uestlove merely grinned sheepishly and hurried to correct his error. In short, the decks are like ?uestlove's Russian whore of a gumar whom he fucks on the side in his spare time; but, we all know where he really puts his drumstick, at the end of the day. Still, he manages to give it to that strumpet pretty good, for what it's worth.
Toward the end of his set, there was an extended James Brown mix, complete with ?uestlove sharing some classic dance moves behind the decks that would make even The Godfather of Soul quite proud. I think I would have fainted from sheer delight if his entourage went all out and had someone bring out a cape to help him off the stage. A great time was had by all, no doubt. A great enough time that I can forgive L.A. for being a total shitbox, at least until I hear someone say something stupid.
The over/under is 43 seconds. Get your wallets out.
