I Am What's Wrong With This Country

So, I mentioned last week that I'm unemployed right now, making clear that said unemployment is indeed the impetus for my renewed attention to this blog. I've never been unemployed before, and it is taking a toll on my comfort level, to say the least. Not knowing where I'm going to get my next dollar is an uneasy feeling. I'd prefer not to suck dick for coke (never mix business with pleasure), so working jobs I hate has always been the more palatable option. Um, so to speak.

But, today I got my notice from The Man saying that I've been awarded unemployment pay. Remember those feelings of doom and malaise I was talking about, woven in with blueprints of suicide? GONE. Hooray for free money!

Now, I've got about a week before I actually start receiving my free money, but did I mention free money? Suddenly, all those years I spent rolling calls and making reservations for aging yuppie assholes at Katsu-ya seem like an even bigger waste of time than they did before. If all I had to do was get laid off to still get enough money to live a pretty lovely life, I should have seen to this happening a long time ago.

I want to celebrate with the free money I don't even have yet that's burning a hole in my pocket. Peanut butter and crack sandwiches for everyone-- on me!

Putting the "Oy!" in "Unemployed"

This is a photo of a bread line. I lack subtlety.

Oh, indeed. Unreliable as ever, it looks like I'm doing this little blog o' mine, again. For a little while, at least. 

You see, the marked fall-off(s) in my attention here over the years have always been due to having pesky jobs that required me to do some actual work at them. Hence, no time to talk about the bullshit du jour that may be amusing. 

But, hooray recession! (Not really.) 

Today is my first day being unemployed, as the show I work/worked for is on an unpaid hiatus that'll last at least two months. Furthermore, due to MASSIVE budget cuts, I can't really count on my old job being there when it returns in the Fall. Sometime during my busy weekend of panic attacks and suicide fantasies, I decided I may as well start up here again. It'll be a nice reprieve from tracing my veins with an Exacto Knife. But, let me tell you, as soon as I get that second interview to be the Assistant Night Manager Trainee at FedEx Kinko's, I'll likely vanish again.

For now though, I'll be posting here daily-ish, just to distract from the terror of having no job and no prospects. Talking shit anonymously in a forum where I have zero accountability provides a brief distraction from the terror of my new reality: Drinking whatever imported beer is on sale (*shudder*) while I watch TV all day-- and mind you, I had to cancel Showtime. Have you ever had only one premium cable channel? It's ghastly.

For now, I'm off to see what awful jobs are out there, so I can talk myself into applying anyway, just to feel like I'm doing something, anything. I never thought I'd be Googling "taco bell careers;" and yet, here we are.

Kill me in the face.

Virgins Computer Experts Agree with Me

Much of the geek world had multiple dorkgasms earlier this week, when Apple announced it's latest toy, the Macbook Air. I, too, was pretty impressed with the sleek new laptop. At first.

But, upon viewing their informational video, I began to notice several things that the notebook is lacking-- really basic shit, like more than one USB port and, oh I don't know, a fucking disc drive? Indeed, I suppose the lack of a disc drive is somewhat explained away by the very ethos of the Macbook Air. Still though, it would be nice to have the option. If you're bringing this thing on a plane and want to watch a DVD, you're pretty much fucked unless you bring additional equipment.

By the very end of the guided tour, I was left feeling that the product was, quite honestly, another bullshit boondoggle by Apple. Steve Jobs, the world's richest premature ejaculator, blew Apple's load too quickly on this release, yet again. They released a product that wasn't entirely thought out, in the hopes that the niche market of suckers with fuck-you-money who waited on line for days for their iPhones would fall for it again. They will.

I dared not utter this to my friends who were already placing their pre-orders for one, but I'm glad to say that the nerd authorities seem to agree with me. I've said it before and I'll say it many more times: Never by a first generation Apple anything. I happen to be in the market for a laptop, but I'd rather spend my money on Asian hookers and cocaine than this mess. Oh, who am I kidding? I was planning to do that anyway.

Ain't Shit Going On Today

As indicated above, there ain't shit going on today, so I don't have anything worth talking about. So, you know what that means: Video post!

Herewith, please find the gayest thing since gay sex, posted below for your enjoyment. I hope your Tuesday glitters, girl!

So, Is This the Next MySpace Facebook?

LinkedIn, the social networking site no one has ever heard of, is not to be disregarded as bullshit, according to to Biznass Week. Now seems like a good time to mention that the two companies are partners.

Anywho, LinkedIn wants to establish that they are far from being buried by Facebook and are not has-beens. Personally, I think of it more as a never-was, but you know, tomayto, tomahto.

Indeed, Nielsen numbers are supporting their whining, and show them to be growing at a faster rate than Facebook. However, it seems to me if 98% of the world is already on Facebook, it's sort of inevitable for growth to slow, after a while. LinkedIn's attempt to stay relevant is centered around adding a bunch of modules and other nonsense to personalize your page. I'm not on Facebook, but I'm pretty sure they do the same exact thing. Still, now would be a good time for LinkedIn to try to get themselves out there, since Facebook is getting some bad press, lately. If I were LinkedIn, I would just focus on distinguishing LinkedIn as different from Facebook and the rest, simply because it serves a very different purpose:

"Facebook is mostly for socializing with people you already know, while LinkedIn is for meeting people you don’t know, for professional purposes, through people you do know."

However, this was a mere parenthetical in the article, and glosses over the one thing about the site that makes it somewhat interesting. But, what do I know? I'm just a dumb semi-anonymous Blogger Blogspot blogger who falls into the exact demographic to which these networking sites must appeal in order to survive.

Friendster MySpace Facebook New Way to Stalk Friends Hot Shit

Considering the amount of shit I've gotten lately for not having a Facebook account-- I keep trying to tell my peer pressurers that, while I am flattered, I am straight-- this story makes me extra glad that I've resisted persuasion. Honestly, if you're spending time actually forming an argument on why someone else is lame for refusing to join a stupid website that's a poor substitute for real interaction, you're the loser. Admittedly, I did fall for it when I was talked into joining MySpace a couple of years ago by a friend; but, now that MySpace's 15 minutes as THE "social networking" site du jour are up, I kind of like it. Now that no one's into it any more, I have to say The Space has gotten way less obnoxious for me somehow.

And now, it seems MySpace doesn't seem to spy on you quite as much as Facebook does, let alone report your activities on third party sites back to the friends in your network (even when you're not logged on to Facebook). So, MySpace is indeed looking like the less creepy option. Furthermore, Facebook will still log this information after you've gone through their unnecessarily complicated process to opt out of having your activities tracked-- which by the way, offers no comprehensive way to opt out of their user tracking program wholesale. In other words, there is no real way to tell them to knock off big brothering your ass. Score one for Friendster, MySpace and the rest, I guess.

Don't get me wrong, all of these networking sites are beyond brokeback and moreover, an extremely bleak harbinger of my generation's approach toward life, friendships and relationships. However, I regret to say these sites are here to stay, like herpes. I'm 100% more likely to delete my one account than I am to join an additional site, simply because the two years one particular site has to be all the rage has expired and the trend mandates that I join MyFriendsFace now, if I want to fit in. I've never been cool, anyway. Why start now?