Treme-ing My Pants (Not Really, Not Yet)

I realize it is pronounced "Treh-MAY." For the purposes of wordplay in the lede, I was hoping that you didn't. If you did know the correct pronunciation, pretend it says "HBO's Treme? A-Okay!" up there. Pulitzer.

So, I'm watching the series premiere for Treme, for the second time, tonight. The first time I watched it, when it first aired, I was very distracted. And drunk. This time, I am only drunk, so I am able to give it an appropriate amount of my attention. Herein lies my live-ish blogging of theTreme premiere, a solid week after the fact. I would joke about how untimely this "live-blog" is, but no one is reading, anyway. Here we go:

When I (re)begin watching the pilot, my first impression is that I don't understand a lot/most/any of what is being said. I feel racist. Yet again, I worry that I am not a very good Blackperson, since I can't really understand what these colored gentlemen are discussing.

A few minutes in, Wendell Pierce (THE BUNK) expresses enthusiasm about making some "mother fucking money." I understand that. 10 Blackpoints. Pierce looks fairly authoritative wielding a trombone. I think I read one time that he really knows how to play it.*

Then, Steve Zahn's ass. No, thank you. Also, while I have more or less deduced what a "second line" is at this point, I certainly do not know why it is called that. (Perhaps there is a "first line" that is not pertinent down in the Treme?)

Relationships are being established, and I'm finding it a little tedious. It is my own fault. I'm already expecting the familiarity awarded to a devoted viewer of a series in medias res, wherein exposition is already shorthand or avoided entirely. I remind myself I am not watching The Wire, season 3. David Simon must have felt there was a very important reason to show me Steve Zahn's ass right now-- a reason I may forever be too stupid to grasp. It is easy to sustain idol worship, as long as you never concede that your idol's intelligence is within your grasp.

24 minutes in, and Zahn is now shirtless for the second time. I maintain, no, thank you. Not for me. I guess I'm supposed to be learning a lot about his character from all this. Also, Zahn is playing Mystikal very loud and trying to annoy his neighbors for reasons yet to be revealed.

Clarke Peters (COOL LESTER SMOOTH) has shown up a couple times now. Much like his character's introduction scenes in The Wire, it seems Simon and co-creator Eric Overmyer have stuck to the "Show. Don't tell" screenwriters' credo/cliche. Peters hasn't said much and we don't know much about his character's deal yet, but he's been given a good deal of business in just two or three scenes. Right now he's mopping in a bar or something, with major gravitas. Inner turmoil!

A lot more stuff has happened since the mopping, and also not very much at all. Lester's kids are grownups, and they are annoyed by him; but, they are still giving him unsolicited help. Lester doesn't say much to his whiney kids, or anyone for that matter. He mostly just does the stern I'm-set-in-my-ways face, and people acquiesce to whatever he's doing, even though he is sometimes dressed up like an "If They Mated" of Don Magic Juan crossed with Big Bird.

The Bunk (in case you have not noticed, I am not learning nor bothering to look up anyone's Treme character names, at this point) has taken three cab rides in this episode, even though he could not afford any of them. I think he should stop taking cabs.

Well, it's over now. The pilot was fine. You know, pretty good as far as TV goes, but unable to meet the impossibly high bar set by 5 seasons of the Greatest Show of All Time, The Wire. (Not yet.) I'm looking forward to seeing more Treme. And, HBO has already picked it up for a second season, so that's exciting.

Hopefully, going forward, there will be less Zahn ass.

*He doesn't. But, he is taking lessons for the show.

Things with More Appeal.19

The League started on FX two or three weeks ago. I wasn't too jazzed about it, mostly because I don't give a shit about fantasy football, and It's Always Sunny has been turning me off since season 3 (the self-congratulatory arrogance and "wackiness" is nowhere near as funny as the honesty and plausibility of the first season, but that is another post, entirely). I decided to watch The League anyway, because Nick Kroll.

It turns out, The League is fucking awesome. I can't say that I'm ROFFL (Rolling On the Floor Fingerbanging, Laughing) incessantly, but I almost never have that reaction to any comedy show-- even when it's an extra hilarious ep of Two and a Half Men!

Quite honestly, The League is great because it isn't trying to be over the top, setting-otters-on-fire-funny. It's just consistently brave and edgy, and they don't "wait for it" after a character delivers a choice line. They throw away jokes that are funnier than anything on Family Guy or The Nanny or whatever it is the kids are into, without dwelling on it because on The League there's always another funny line immediately. They don't need/don't have the time to beg for the laugh or shove in your face that they're COORS LIGHT SNOWBOARDS EXTREME COMEDY. The show knows it's funny, but not in an arrogant, pleading way. It's dope.

The characters are still anchored in reality, they're just funnier than people are in reality, which is why it's definitely fun and worth it to watch a TV show about them. So, yeah, join The League: You'll feel like a winner!*

*Sorry.

3 Hot Guys and Will Ferrell Play Tennis

So, I got a job like two weeks ago, hence the increased infrequency of my posting. Just when you thought this blog couldn't get any worse, here we are. In any event, I'm sure no one noticed, as I'm pretty sure the only person reading this blog is me. (I like to double check to see if there's a missed opportunity to crowbar in another racist joke or two.) 

To wit, a video blog, or "vlog," as I refuse to call it.

For some reason, Gob/Mr. Amy Poehler/Will Arnett/Hotness #1 is playing tennis with Andy Roddick/Hotness #2 against Andy Murray/Hotness #3 and Will Ferrell/Will Ferrell. Also, Keenan is there (no idea where Kel is), presumably to add color -zing!- since Quddouche is no blacker than Roger Sterling with some hastily applied shoe polish - doublezing!-. In any event, the video is mildly amusing. So, watch it. Or don't. I don't know. Fuck off.

So You Think I'm Not Going to Hurt You

Fair warning: This is going to get gross.

This guy, Alex Da Silva, a 41-year-old salsa choreographer (gross) and judge on Fox's "hit" show So You Think You Can Dance (gross), is like, really into raping women (criminal; also, gross). Allegedly.

Ugh. That mugshot. The salsa. Fucking. Gross.

I don't really care to imagine him luring his dance students into his gross bedroom to "show them new clothes" or "ask for help fixing his computer," only for him to whip it out and make some homemade guacamole on the unsuspecting waitress dancer. In case you're unclear, by "whip it out and make some homemade guacamole," I mean "rape and jizz on a bitch."

Speaking of misunderstandings, Silva's attorney Harland Braun said the case was a misunderstanding of “the difference between seduction and rape.” Make that four separate incidents of misunderstanding. Sheesh. That's a lot of guac.

Hey Da Silva, a bit of advice: While you're in jail, don't drop the maraca.

LTNA to Japanese: "Just Say You're Solly"

I first saw the Japanese game show clip below a few months ago. For reasons I do not recall, I was reminded of it again yesterday, and felt compelled to share here on LTNA.

Yep. That happened. 

I don't really care to share any thoughts on this. I just think the thing that bothers me most about this video is that it is not the most offensive thing I have ever seen. Le sigh.

Now, This Is Happening

We've already been over my love of HBO's The Wire, and my bottomless contempt for those who "don't get it." However, I will freely admit Walter Cronkite biting the big one yesterday isn't exactly a cause for pause, let alone an LTNA post, as I'm under the age of 60 (barely), and don't really have any thoughts on the matter. Frankly, I think the guy had a pretty decent run. I mean, he was 92 frickin' years old. Besides, dying "suddenly" is so last month. 

Taking all that into account, along with the fact that I am quite certain no one wants to hear my thoughts on the current situation in Pakistan (more to the point, I have no thoughts on Pakistan because I am willfully ignorant on the matter), I'm just going to remind the world-- i.e., Carl, the person who reads this blog (hey pal!)-- that The Wire is televised manna. I haven't blogged much this week because there's not been much for me to talk about; but, I figure, why let that stop me, when I can regurgitate material from posts of yore?

I've been re-watching The Wire in its entirety over the past couple of weeks. If you're a Wire fan, you undoubtedly realize that saying "in its entirety" is slightly redundant, because that is the only way to watch The Wire. Once you watch one episode, your life is pretty much fucked for the next month, because you realize the entire 60 hours of the saga deserve review. It can't be helped. 

As soon as I wrap up this pathetic excuse for a blog post, I'll be firing up the old DVD machine and finishing up Season 3 along with my case of Sam Adams Light. Yup, home alone on a Saturday night with McNulty and the gang keeping me company through my teevee. Don't be jealous. 

The only way to make my night more awesome would be to fall asleep while eating a waffle sundae and crying. However, I just did that Thursday night, and I pride myself on being unpredictable. Translation: I will most likely wake up in my laundry basket tomorrow afternoon, amidst the detritus of a McGangBang with a side of self loathing, while Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It" plays on repeat through my iTunes. I love the weekend!

Things with More Appeal.18

A few weeks ago I saw the documentary-ish film Food, Inc. I wouldn't recommend it if you ever want to eat again. But, if you are actually interested in what exactly goes into the taco salad or whatever traditional Mexican delicacy you're shoving into your Chalupa-hole, you should definitely watch it.

It's really only a "documentary" in the sense that Michael Moore movies are documentaries; but, I found this one way less self-righteous and bloated. Food, Inc. indeed takes a definite point of view, but if you're on the opposing side, you're probably Lucifer. 

I've mentioned before that I take more interest than many in just what the fuck it is we're all eating, and this flick is pretty much entirely about that. The nice thing about seeing the movie is that it doesn't involve reading books or actually doing anything. And, every ticket comes with a free soapbox, so you can go yell on the nearest corner after it's over and hoot n' holler about how ConAgra and Yum! foods are giving us all "the diabetes." 

Indeed, you will feel like your supermarket is less a place to procure food and sundries, and more a place to get some palatable poisons, after seeing this film. But fret not, the next time you get blackout drunk, I'm confident you'll still be able to rationalize eating that bacon cheeseburger chimichanga with extra syrup. "Pobody's nerfect!"

What I like most about Food, Inc. is that, at the end, the filmmakers include specific ways that we can all take action and seize control of an industry that seems to control us. In the end, they show that it's not entirely hopeless, after all. Just...mostly hopeless.

Oh, Good. I Was Just Saying Law & Order: SVU Reruns Aren't On Enough.

These pockmarks can see through your lies.

Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU and Law & Order: Criminal Intent make up approximately 50% of cable programming. It's true.* I don't think there is any time of day where you don't at least have the option of getting a healthy dose of Dick (Wolf). This is fact, and has been fact since the dawn of cable syndication. However, it seems that my cable company started carrying a newish channel within the past month or so, called Sleuth.

Sweet Abba-Zaba. When they named this channel "Sleuth," I think they missed the opportunity to capitalize on what this channel really should have been called, which is "You're Home at 1:30 PM, Living on the Dole and Probably Fat, So Here, Watch Law & Order: SVU All Fucking Day, Except Sometimes We Show Criminal Intent Episodes Too, Just to Fuck With You, Fatty." I know the channel is owned by NBC Universal, because of duh, but jeebus, it is nothing but L&O spin-offs!

I, like everyone else who has ever seen these shows, thinks SVU sucks the least, because it does. Why would you have a plain old murder, when you can get a side of rape for the same price?  I can only figure they throw in the CI reruns as a stern warning to us losers who lay about all day, fantasizing over the crimes we'd like to commit: Don't even start making arrangements to kill your elderly neighbor, steal his identity and start cashing his Social Security checks, because if you do, you're going to have to talk to Vincent D'Onofrio. Indeed, that is deterrent enough. Either that, or the CI reruns are considered intermission to get out of the fucking house, maybe look for a job.

But, joke's on you, Sleuth Network! I can usually find a rerun of 'Feld (this is what I call Seinfeld, because I am cool, but also too busy to say "Sein") to pass the time until another ep of SVU comes back on. I hope the next one's from Olivia's bulldyke-haircut era, but before Stabler got hair plugs. Those are classic!

*This is not true.