25 May 2006

Bob Dylan Is a Woman from Australia

I've heard of stunt casting, but Jeeeebus. This is a new one.

Word is, Cate Blanchett is going to play Bob Dylan in an upcoming biopic. She and four other actors will portray Dylan in the flick, including Christian Bale and... um... Richard Gere. Each actor will be Bob in a different guise at a different point in his life. Evidently, Dylan went through a shoving-gerbils-up-my-ass phase, at some point.*

The other two slots of the five Dylans are still open. I recommend Adam Sandler to fill one of them. (What's that you say? That Bob Dylan impression he always did on SNL was supposed to be funny, not historically accurate? Bah!)

Bizarrely, Blanchett is the one who most resembles Dylan out of the list, thus far. Cate is portraying Dylan in the movie in scenes from before his motorcycle accident in 1966. You know, when he still looked like a woman, according to scholars. Could this be director Todd Haynes' not-so-subtle way of saying Dylan's accident "cured him from looking like a fucking trick-ass bitch"? The answer is, obviously, "yes."

Perhaps Hillary Swank will be kind enough to lend Cate her stunt cock from Boys Don't Cry so Cate can really get into character. There's nothing sexier than an androgynous woman with a gigantic stunt cock.

Unless it's a gigantic black stunt cock.

*Did you really think I could get through a post that mentions Richard Gere without making a gerbil comment? I think we all know I'm way too hackneyed and childish of an absentee blogger for that sort of sophistication.

1 comment:

harmonious1 said...

I ALWAYS said Dylan was a woman.