3 Hot Guys and Will Ferrell Play Tennis

So, I got a job like two weeks ago, hence the increased infrequency of my posting. Just when you thought this blog couldn't get any worse, here we are. In any event, I'm sure no one noticed, as I'm pretty sure the only person reading this blog is me. (I like to double check to see if there's a missed opportunity to crowbar in another racist joke or two.) 

To wit, a video blog, or "vlog," as I refuse to call it.

For some reason, Gob/Mr. Amy Poehler/Will Arnett/Hotness #1 is playing tennis with Andy Roddick/Hotness #2 against Andy Murray/Hotness #3 and Will Ferrell/Will Ferrell. Also, Keenan is there (no idea where Kel is), presumably to add color -zing!- since Quddouche is no blacker than Roger Sterling with some hastily applied shoe polish - doublezing!-. In any event, the video is mildly amusing. So, watch it. Or don't. I don't know. Fuck off.

LTNA to Japanese: "Just Say You're Solly"

I first saw the Japanese game show clip below a few months ago. For reasons I do not recall, I was reminded of it again yesterday, and felt compelled to share here on LTNA.

Yep. That happened. 

I don't really care to share any thoughts on this. I just think the thing that bothers me most about this video is that it is not the most offensive thing I have ever seen. Le sigh.

No Sir, I Assure You I Am Not Going to "Love [Your] Nuts"

You may already know that the ShamWow™ Guy is also the Slap Chop™ Guy-- not to mention that he's everyone's favorite hooker-Slap Chopping™ enthusiast. Well, that fucking Slap Chop™ commercial just came on NatGeo HD and weirded me out anew, so I decided to share the suffering. I mean, I was just talking about that dipshit, after all.

Oh yes, it was the long version, so you're going to get three minutes and change of Vince's nut-Slapping™ intensity and cryptic orders to "stop having a boring life." Maybe I should start assaulting prostitutes to spice things up, too.

OR...Slap Chop™!

He also demonstrates how easy it is to Slap™ together standard breakfast fare (you know, hard boiled egg™, pickle™, green onion™ plus a pinch™ of ham™, pounded™ like an unruly whore™-- I mean, Slap Chopped™-- into a fine paste™, just like no one ever used to ever make™ ever), because "YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR BREAKFAST."™ 

Here you go, sweetums. An oldie but creepy, just for you. 

After watching this again, I think I need an adult.

These Things Come in 3s 3 1/2s

It is unusually difficult to find a photo of this man where he is not giving a thumbs-up. So, this.

Yesterday morning, when I was realizing I'd fallen asleep with the teevee on all night again, Ann Curry's voice was telling me that the Oxi Clean guy done came up deayud (LTNA gets folksy!).  I actually yelled to my pillow "What the fuck is going ON?" before rolling over for visual confirmation of what I thought I'd heard. I had not hallucinated the news.

Ed McMahon last Tuesday.  Then, Farrah Fawcett/Michael Jackson Day, later that week. (I am being polite here. We all know the real story is Jacko, and any mentions of Farrah that have come since then have been obligatory. We all know it. I just had the anonymous blog balls to say it.) 

And now Billy freakin Mays? I repeat, what the fuck is going ON?  Admittedly, I'm not attached to any of these personalities, but this shit is fucking weird. If I were a washed up and/or F-List celebrity, I'd be feeling a bit nervous right now. Billy just did Conan last week, for crying out loud. Who's going to yell at me insisting I buy shitty As Seen On TV products now? 

Sheesh. I totally just lost a bet. My money was on the ShamWow guy going first (meth-fueled murder/suicide, obvi). If I can get some action on a Real Housewife of New Jersey dying, I'm letting it ride.

Oh, and this is old and still sort of funny. Probably a bit disrespectful to put up, in light of things. But, you know, fuck you.

Fucking Irish Car Bombs

You may as well know I drank way too much last night and am in no shape to do a proper post today. So, you're left with whatever video I feel is entertaining enough to syndicate here on LTNA, for the time being.

Thusly, enjoy the compilation below of America's most famous convicted rapist, Mike Tyson. Happy xxx-mas, and good luck suppressing the urge to punch your dad in the fucking face. After all, that's what the holidays are really all about.

I'll be back on December 26th, undoubtedly as hungover and miserable as today. It's a Kwanzaa miracle!

Happy Chris Farley Day

Chris Farley
February 15, 1964 - December 18, 1997

Ten years later, and I still miss ya buddy.

Dumb Slunt to Continue Making Gauche Cuisine

Rachael Ray just closed a deal to continue annoying the shit out of people for two more seasons, reupping her contract with the Food Network. Her crapfest show, 30 Minute Meals will be on for at least 120 more episodes, not to mention a new show that'll be starting in January called Rachael's Vacation wherein we get to watch her gorge and orgasm from pie, dick and dick pie-- but now, in distant and exotic locales! This will be a nice change from the parking lot behind Fatburger, where she normally gobbles some "delish" dick.

Some people would say that I'm being a bit harsh for thinking Rachael Ray is an annoying whore. But, those people would be wrong. Why? Because fuck 'em, that's why.

A Bullshitty Post to Start Your Friday

Remember that job I have that prevented me from writing this blog on any consistent basis over the last two years? Well, I still have it. And, writers' strike or no, I have shit to do. Lists of songs about cocaine aren't going to compile themselves, you know. (Seriously. That's what I'm doing. Ah, Hollywood.) So, in lieu of a real post, I'm pulling the old video blog trick out of my back pocket, and phoning it in with the below. The best part is the newsroom reaction, and the snort off camera. Happy Friday chippies.

Strike Two

It looks like the second attempt at settling the WGA/AMPTP negotiations has not succeeded, and talks are "on hold" again. This round only lasted four days, after the three weeks of mutual silent treatment between the writers and producers during the beginning of the strike.

Basically, the AMPTP is still trying to fleece the writers and give them an absurdly shitty deal on "new media" (you know, since the Internets just came out, and all), and the dorks seem pretty committed to standing up for themselves. I guess for many of the writers it's the familiar playground dynamic of Roger the Schoolyard Bully taking their orthopedic shoe money all over again, but this time they've got a little more self esteem. And lawyers.

On the plus side, I guess we can expect some more amusing videos to come out on that trusty new fangled intranet media communications system I heard about.

Things with More Appeal.15

I've been trying to decide what to talk about today for a little while. I've been pretty ambivalent toward gossip fodder these days, which, of course, used to be the bread and vegemite of LTNA. But, I guess somewhere along the way I stopped giving a shit about any of it, and realized I probably never really did in the first place. After all, how many times can you tell that old joke about how when you stick your hand under Paris Hilton's skirt, it feels like you're feeding a pony? Seventy three is the answer, and in my two and a half years of zealous, turned sporadic, turned absent, turned semi-zealous again writing of this blog, I have reached my quota.

Still, I do like to think of this as an entertainment and showbusiness-oriented virtual soapbox, or "demiblog" if you will, so that explains the nonsensical hodgepodge of miscellany in the recent posts you see below. And, in keeping with that, here is a new installment of Things with More Appeal, on a Wednesday as LTNA tradition mandates. This week's Thing happens to be The Greatest TV Show of All Time: The Wire.

If you've never seen The Wire, do so. That's pretty much all I can say to you, because describing why is futile. Watching the show is the only way to give it its due justice, and my hackneyed praises would merely sully it's luminous splendor.

If you have seen The Wire, and simply didn't care for the show, that is repugnant and inconceivable, and you can get the fuck out of here. For real, son. I have a no re-re policy on this one.

It is nearly December, and the fourth season of The Wire is being released on DVD this Tuesday, December 4th. That gives you ample time to get that Netflix queue in order so you can catch up, in preparation for the 5th and final season, premiering Sunday, January 6th on HBO. Better yet, take advantage of some of the holiday sales going on and just buy the first four seasons on DVD if you don't already have them. I know HBO DVDs don't come cheap, but you won't regret it. And, if you do regret it, then you're a fucking imbecile and you have larger issues to handle.

I cannot tell you how much I've been looking forward to the conclusion of this show, but this post should give a fair indication. I'll be posting more about The Wire as we get closer to the premiere, and more news and videos begin to surface. There are already five teasers I've managed to find, so check out the ones for McNulty and Marlo if you're curious. Courtesy of YouTube, everyone's favorite content pirates, please find one of the teasers for the new season below, featuring everyone's favorite stick-up boy, Omar Little. While it's the most brief teaser of the five, the blue balls of anticipation it manages to build for the new season hurt so good, and make it a real success. So get ready to cough up some blood and enjoy!