20 June 2006

Did He Put His Wang on the Bible to Swear in?

The only thing hotter than a man in socks and sandals (oh, K Fed!) is a man wearing NO socks with leather oxfords and tapered jeans. Oh, and also the jeans are stonewashed. You can see this fact illustrated above, by George "I Make Men Wish They Had Vaginas" Clooney, posing seductively at his Section Eight offices. That smirk is from him relishing the seamless execution of one of his infamous practical jokes, no doubt.

GC's head-wobbling and mouth-twitching charms must've come in handy in French court, as Section Eight, his production company with Steven Soderbergh,
was just awarded victory in a lawsuit against them. Some French screenwriter claimed they plagiarized Syriana from her script called Oversight. But, the judge was lost in Clooney's eyes, and missed everything she said. (In truth, I realize it's highly unlikely George Clooney ever had to set foot in court for this, but it's a lot more fun to pretend he did.)

Not only did this French bitch lose her lawsuit, she was ordered to pay $4,490 in court costs to Warner Bros. and Section Eight! 'Cause, you know, they really need the money. Besides, George Clooney got fat for that movie, okay? That fucking sucked, and 4 grand can never take away that anguish. Poor guy had to walk around totally un-hot for two whole months! Thank God/personal trainers he's back to his trim physique now.

I can just imagine good ol' Cloon-sey on the stand, posed exactly as he is above, shattering the plaintiff's case by simply blinking really hard a bunch of times during his testimony, that sexy way he always does. No, that's not a tick signaling some sort of nervous disfunction or Tourette's. That's nothin' but pure Clooney sexy sex juice.* Drink it down, baby. Drink. It. Down.

*Not to be confused with giz.

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