07 June 2006

I'm Not an A-Hole, You Prick! I Have IED!

It turns out that "road rage"
isn't just road rage any more. Like everything else these days, it's actually a terrible disorder with a catchy acronym-- and, most likely, a prescription drug to deal with this "problem" in the works (perhaps Bastardil?). It's called "intermittent explosive disorder" or IED, and supposedly, it affects 7.3% of the population. No, this isn't an arbitrary statistic, Skepty McSkeptical. 18% of people would know that.

Road rage is just one of the many manifestations of this evil affliction. "A person can tell if they suffer from the IED [sic], if they show any or all of these symptoms for a prolonged time: throwing objects, aggressiveness, or property damage." Indeed, these symptoms are indicative of the probability you suffer from IED. Well, either it's IED or you're fucking wasted.

I'm really glad I've gotten to the bottom of why I like to spraypaint babies and bitch-slap octogenarians. All this time, people have just said that I'm a jerk-off, or a highly-functioning retard, at best. But now, next time someone yells at me for eating food off a strangers plate while walking by an outdoor cafe, then throwing a Mike's Hard Lemonade at the maitre d's head, I can say proudly "It's not my fault. I have IED!" Then, I'll drop-kick some kittens to prove my point. Yay for science!

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