21 July 2006

Holy Spit Lube, Batman!*

Word on the street is that Heath Ledger is poised to make Christian Bale his bottom bitch in the sequel to Batman Begins. Indeed, he may be taking over the role of the Joker-- a formidable task after Jack Nicholson's unforgettable performance in Tim Burton's Batman.

According to the /film website, "Other actors which has been [sic] rumored to be in contention for the role include: Jude Law, Josh Lucas, Crispin Glover, Jake Gyllenhaal, Paul Bettany, Steve Carell, Robin Williams and Lachy Hulme." The thing about this list is just that these alternatives to Ledger make him seem like the obvious top choice. I mean, who the fuck is Lachy Hulme?

On the other hand, I will say Crispin Glover is a close second, since he's a Nazi-obsessed creep, as it is. Letting him prance about as a costumed murderer seems like a logical progression.

But, Steve Carell?! I like Steve Carell just fine, but "Steve Carell as The Joker" just seems plain wrong. If I saw that on a bus ad, I would swear I was being "Juiced."

Then, we have Robin fucking Williams. Now, I'll admit I seriously hate Robin Williams, so I am biased. However, regardless of where you stand on Robin Williams, I don't think anyone needs to see the Joker fall victim to Williams' total lack of range and go from vicious supervillain to gay preacher. Or whatever the fuck that character he always does is supposed to be.

Heath isn't an obvious choice by any stretch of the imagination, but even I'll admit his performance in Brokeback was totally gay (and I say that in a good way, not in a Robin Williams way). Therefore, if anyone from that list is fit to run around in a purple suit with an ascot and lipstick-- while remaining somehow menacing-- it's probably Heath Ledger.

Look out, Christian Bale: You're about to get fucked!

*I know I've made a "Holy [insert gay joke], Batman!" lede before. But, I couldn't resist a second opportunity. We all know I'm a one trick pony. Okay, maybe two. I do love my race jokes!

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