03 January 2006

What? Did You Think the First Real Post Would Be about Paris Hilton?

The geeks at Google, whose business ethos seems to be a dangerous combination of Bill Gates' ambition paired with too much time playing Zero Wing, are already shaking things up in '06, sending Microsoft into a panic. Between Google's plans to release a low-cost computer with their own-- i.e., not Winblows-- OS, and the talk of a "Google Box" (that one's just too easy), which will allow people to transfer data files between their TVs and their computers directly-- i.e. high-quality Arrested Development episodes on your laptop nice and legally-- Microsoft is shitting a brick. There's even talk of Google getting into the pay-TV service, and making that free. That is, of course, after they finish equipping cities with their free WiFi service.

Microsoft's options include buying AOL and splitting them from TimeWarner, or going after smaller fish like IAC, in order to compete with Google. Yeah, we're sure if Microsoft gets Ask Jeeves under their belt, things will start looking up.

It looks like Yahoo, which spent a good deal of time and press trying to compete against Google in 2005 isn't doing so hot, either:

"Lloyd Braun, who was hired by Yahoo more than a year ago to oversee the Internet leader's foray into original programming on the Web, will exit after clashing repeatedly with Silicon Valley's laid-back culture."

Those of you who remember when Lloyd Braun had that nervous breakdown had to have seen this one coming. We sure did. But, that's what Yahoo gets for hiring someone fresh out of a mental institution.

In any case, 2006 is off to a tumultuous start in the world of the corporate fat cats. We can only hope that we plebes can somehow benefit from the fallout, wherein G5 laptops fall from the sky and babies are born equipped with Bluetooth technology. Serenity now, affordable sex robots later!

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