15 December 2005

America's Next Top Cult Leader

After reading that the recently-resurrected Radar is already being put out of its misery, we felt a strange melancholy. Perhaps it was some kind of bizarre nostalgia-- a nostalgia for something we, in fact, hadn't ever experienced. Nevertheless, we were overcome when we passed by the newsstand during lunch and saw Angelina Jolie's face daring us to buy it ("'Scary Issue'? We'll see about that!"). It was, after all, our last chance to do so. We relented.

A quick perusal of the first half of it helped our unwarranted feelings of woe subside exponentially, as we turned one unimpressive page after another. But then, we came across page 29, which presents a serious examination of Tyra Banks as the L. Ron Hubbard for the new millennium. We always thought her large, sloping "fivehead" was a dead give-away of being part alien or something, but David Koresh in Victoria's Secret lingerie will work, too.

Radar had cult specialists examine the manipulation and mind control tactics employed by Tyra n' the gang on that show of hers (not the daytime one, Oprah, but Skinny or whatever it's called, the model one). It's actually pretty fascinating, and shed light on how diabolical Tyra Banks actually is. It actually made us hate her more, and we didn't think that was possible. Truly impressive. We could retype some hilites here for your enjoyment, but it's even easier for us to, well, not do that. Yeeeeeah...

Oh, and also, you can't look at it on the Radar website, because it's a zine exclusive. So, you know, bummer. We guess the point of this post (And, who are we kidding? There isn't one!) is just that Radar mostly sucked, so it doesn't really matter that it's going the way of the Zack Morris cell phone. But, after the "Tyra Banks is a cult leader" article, there's one on Sarah Silverman on the next page, so that's pretty cool. We're gonna go read that. This article's also online though, so you actually can read this article, instead of just reading about reading it. Go on, now. Git. Nothin' to see here.

1 comment:

one true said...

Hey there,
Love your blog, wanted to read that Tyra Cult article, but the link you provided goes to a different Radar article. Got another one? It's a very interesting topic.