27 October 2005

How Many Times Can We Say "Secret Baby" in One Post?

Things like "facts" and "logic" sure do take the fun out of gossip, don't they? Today's buzzkill comes courtesy of Philly gossip columnist Howard Gensler, who took a moment to investigate the timeline of Janet Jackson's secret baby in relation to her marriage to James DeBarge. We, on the other hand, like to take juicy hearsay about secret babies and the like, and just run with them. We don't have the extra twenty seconds or whatever to, you know, think about whether a piece of information is plausible. This is a blog, for Chrissake.

Gensler points out that if the secret baby is 18, then said secret baby would have been born three years after they split. Further, when Control was released in '86, Janet would have had to have been pregnant with the aforementioned secret baby. While she was indeed pudgier in those days, she didn't exactly look knocked up with a secret baby. Then again, maybe that's how she managed to keep the secret baby secret for all these years. Maybe we're all just pawns in an evil scheme wherein Janet tricked us all into thinking she lost the weight by becoming vegetarian, when really she had just lost all of her weight from her secret baby pregnancy after she finally had the secret baby. In secret, natch.

Perhaps LTNA should investigate further. We'll be busy with repeated viewings of the "Nasty" and "Let's Wait Awhile" videos for the rest of the day, looking for any sign of the secret baby. You know, kind of like Where's Waldo, but with a secret baby, instead. It's the only way we can get to the bottom of this. And by "this," we mean "the secret baby."

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