14 October 2005

Tricks, Treats

Since there just isn't anything in the news that we really feel like talking about today (the TomKat artificial insemination business is just too easy to be worth it), we've decided to post about our own bullshit instead of some idiot celebrity's or Google's. Consider this a brief glimpse into the inner life of LTNA, the psychosis and misanthropy living behind the disparaging prose.

Halloween is a mere fortnight away, and it is truly one of our favorite days of the year. Unfortunately, year after year, we fail to get our shit together and get a really awesome costume. We could blame this on pot, but we don't like to point fingers. Unless, of course, it's to say "Mind if we hit that?"

However, we spent a good deal of last night ruminating over possible costumes with The Roommate. The Roommate, much like us, has had many ideas over the last few years that never made it to fruition. Trust us when we say this is a pity, as she is quite clever. Her favorite would-be costume to date is a ghost octopus, or "Octoghost."

As we are significantly less clever, our ideas tend more toward things that are much more sociopathic. That is, our costume ideas are the type that would be spoken about by friends weeks and perhaps even months after Halloween had passed, simply because they are so inappropriate that people would be aghast that anyone went through with it, even with the excuse of it being Halloween.

We'd like to clarify that we don't mean "inappropriate" as in "underdressed," and are not like many females who take the day as an excuse to wear stripper shoes, fishnets and a leotard and call it a costume. The last time we checked, "whore" is an occupation-- perhaps a hobby, even; but, it is most certainly not a Halloween costume, even if the fellas do seem to like it.

Rather, we look to sexual deviance, race and class issues to horrify our friends and acquaintances with our Halloween costume. And since we remembered the holiday far enough in advance this year to actually do something with one of these ideas, we've decided to seize the opportunity and make it happen. So, we've compiled a list below of our favorite ideas in no particular order, and we will be using this weekend to get the necessary costume pieces. We encourage you to vote in the comments section on which you think is the best. Or perhaps, we should have you vote for the worst, because that's probably the one we'd want.

1. A merkin

2. Condoleeza Rice

3. A slave

4. TomKat fetus (we had to have at least one joke)

5. Kwanzaa enthusiast

6. Gay

So there it is. We may come up with something more offensive, but we're pretty excited about these choices already. This is one of those rare opportunities to commit social suicide, and we're going for it. So post your vote, and we'll let you know how things turn out in two weeks.


Lesley Erin said...

CON-DI! CON-DI! CON-DI! i like the condi clones. i sort of have a feeling that she is both gay and a kwanzaa enthusiast as well. several bird with one stone.

LTNA said...

It's true. I'd even venture to say she's also a slave-- a neo (White)house slave, if you will, while embodying the same brand of evil as the fictional TomKitten. Several birds, indeed...

Anonymous said...

Dressing up as a fetus is always funny especially if you make it as fucked up as Tom and Katie's. I say The fetus, definitly the fetus, I just think fetus' are funny, is that wrong?

-G. Lewis

The Assimilated Negro said...

I think the fetus is the real gold, but I'm compelled to vote for slave or kwanzaa enthusiast in the interest of affirmative action.