iPity the Fools Who Bought Nanos

Sigh. We're sort of losing the will to live with each Apple/ Google press release. Well, losing the will to live more than before, at least. You probably already heard about it anyway, but humor us.

It seems like just yesterday we were learning about the iPod Nano's inner crappiness, while still lamenting that we didn't have one. Well, coming on the heels of the iPod Nano's release are the new iPod iPods [sic], which can can play video [sick!]. Everyone who ran out and bought a Nano right away just got punk'd. But it's okay, they can just tell themselves that the Nano's small size, "delicate" screen and inability to play video are what make it special.

To make things worse for the chumps, through some sort of kinky 69 between Steve Jobs and Bob Iger, a deal was struck allowing iPod iPod [still, sic] users to download episodes of all of ABC's shows to store on their 'Pods (that's what all the cool kids call it). Lucky for us, we don't even watch anything on ABC anyway, so, like, we don't even care. Go and enjoy your totally not freakin' sweet 'Pods. We'll be the ones not looking over your shoulder trying desperately to read Matthew Fox's lips while listening to our circa 2001 Sony Discman with AM/FM radio on the Santa Monica-bound 304. That's right, a fuckin' Discman. With rechargeable batteries that stopped working circa 2002, beotch! Don't be mad cuz you don't gotz our flava!