13 October 2005

Madonna Rules Home with Iron Cone Bra

We figured we'd start the day with yet another tale of the banal things celebrities do that are rendered interesting by mass media's insistence on reporting them-- and LTNA doesn't count smartguy, as our dedicated readership (i.e. you) hardly counts as a "mass" by any stretch of the imagination. In this case, it has to do with Madonna's parenting.

Evidently, she refuses to allow television in her home (how original!), and only lets her kids watch movies. We assume Truth or Dare is not in the regular rotation. Furthermore, she doesn't allow them to be exposed to newspapers or magazines, either. We can't imagine why she wouldn't want her kids watching something as harmless as, say, the MTV; or reading about any potentially controversial events that may have taken place on some sort of awards show. You know, just for example. We're sure this ban of TV and print media is not because she has something to hide from them or anything, and her Chairman Mao-like control over their exposure to it isn't at all self-serving. After all, everybody knows it's those accursed newspapers forcing all of this sex and violence upon us, corrupting the youth. Damn you Daily Mail and New York Times! Damn you all!

Madonna does let Guy spoil them though, doing "wild stuff outside, taking them out on bikes." BIKE RIDES?! That barbarian! Someone call the Child Protection Agency! Let's just hope Madonna is smart enough to keep her kids off the internet, too. Certain websites, or these things called "weblogs" we heard about, can be pretty damaging to a person's credibility sometimes.

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