07 September 2005

In Case You Didn't Already Regret Rolling

Scientists are always either buzz-kills, or always pointing out shit we already know. In this instance, it's a little from column A, and a little from column B. Apparently, all you candy-ravers out there-- both active and retired (although, if you're enough of a dumbfuck loser to still be rocking Jnco jeans, a Cat in the Hat hat and a fucking "binky," you're way beyond deserving advice), need to start pounding Naked Juice by the gallon. E makes you more prone to disease by weakening your immune system. The article also says ecstasy users who develop depression from using the drug are often unable to get any effect from Prozac (that shit's weak anyway) for relief. Bummer, man.

We think it's fairly obvious that "a weakened immune system" is the scientists' attempt at saying: "Those Euros were fucking strong, and you ate three, you twat. Welcome to the wild world of genital warts. Yes, the series of bad decisions you made at that warehouse in east L.A. didn't end with talking to that guy with the glowsticks (glowsticks!) about how 'amazing' he was-- and how he was 'not just amazing with the glowsticks, but with his whole being, you know? Because you just meet some people and feel like they're sooooooo amazing that, like, you know you'll know them forever because you met them for a reason. You know?' Yeah. So, you should probably get some topical cream, ASAP."

Yes, it seems pretty obvious to us that that's what those scientists are really saying.

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